Spacing Children

My little sister and I

My sister is 19 months younger than me and I have always loved being so close in age. Certainly my sister and I did not always get along, but for the most part, we have always been close friends. Our relationship is so special to me that I have always wanted to provide the same opportunity to my own children. My sister and I grew up together in a way that siblings don't when they aren't close in age. What I mean is, we liked to do the same things at the same time. We didn't play together because there was no one else to play with (although this is a great benefit too), but because we liked playing together. Although I know that plenty of siblings that couldn't stand one another as children, become close friends as adults, the only siblings I have ever seen truly get along well and enjoy one another as peers when they are children are the ones that are close in age. I know many parents will swear by three or four or even larger age gaps as being perfect, but I have never seen a real life example where these siblings actually seem to like each other and get along. So, it has always been my intention to have children close in age, if I could. I feel like that would be ideal for my family. (Obviously, every family is different and different types of sibling relationships can be just as valuable.)

However, I didn't know much of anything about breastfeeding until I was breastfeeding. When I started I had no concept of how long I would breastfeed. I have learned as I've gone along and I have read so much more about it, from the health benefits of extended breastfeeding to the personal experiences of moms nursing toddlers. I'm certain that before Lilly was born, I said more than once that a baby shouldn't remember nursing or be able to tell you that's what she wants to do. Now I know what nonsense that is! There are so many incredible benefits to letting a child self-wean. My biggest fear is that I might do something, like get pregnant, and cause Lilly to wean early. At first, I was shocked when I read the natural weaning age of humans was somewhere between 2 and 3 to 7 years. However, I am preparing myself to nurse Lilly for the long-haul and let her decide when our nursing relationship will end. I'm also telling my husband about things as I read about them, because he once said something dumb to be about nursing past a year.

I was really sick when pregnant with Lilly and I couldn't even keep water down without medication, so I'm concerned about that happening again and whether there is a safe and effective medicine for me to take. I'm worried about the possibility of pain or restlessness while nursing, my supply dropping or even drying up, Lilly disliking the taste of colostrum, nursing a toddler at night while huge and uncomfortable. I'm worried about the energy and dedication it must take to nurse a toddler and a newborn.

My biggest fears about getting pregnant soon revolve around breastfeeding; however, I also never saw someone parent a baby the way I parent Lilly. I didn't know that I would be a cosleeping, babywearing, attached mom. All parenting styles take time, energy, dedication. I'm not saying they don't. But what parenting looked like in my imagination is not what it looks like in my daily life now that Lilly is here. So, I question my ability to fully meet the needs of a toddler and an infant. However, I have read plenty of parents that have similar parenting philosophies write that wearing their baby allows them to meet their toddler's needs at the same time. I imagine that this is not an issue that goes away though. When do your children stop needing you?

This has all been weighing heavily on my mind, because my cycle came back. Lilly nurses a lot at night (and during the day) and is still exclusively breastfed (after trying solids a handful of times, we decided she wasn't ready), so I didn't expect it for awhile. I thought the first one was a fluke and maybe I wouldn't have another for awhile, but I did. So, suddenly I feel like the possibility of babies close in age is right there in my face and I just don't know if I'm ready to make a decision. I think if someone could promise me that Lilly and I would be able to continue our nursing relationship through a pregnancy and she would go on to tandem nurse, I might be ready to start trying.

Nursing In Public

Today I nursed Lilly in our Ergo carrier while shopping for groceries. She was fussy and wanting to nurse. In the past, I have just gone out to the car, nursed her, and then returned to the store (while my husband continues shopping). But over the last few months, I have been nursing in public more and more. With any future babies I have, I am not going to waste any time nursing them in cars! I think it's so important to nurse in public to help normalize nursing. 

When I first started breastfeeding, I had never seen another mother nurse her baby in real life. It wasn't until I went to a "Mommy & Me" support group meeting held by a lactation consultant when Lilly was four months old that I saw another nursing mother. So, while I wanted to just nurse Lilly wherever we happened to be when she was hungry, I really didn't know how to go about such a task and, to be honest, was slightly terrified.

I had never tried nursing Lilly in the Ergo. I have nursed her in my ring sling. I specifically got the ring sling for easy hands-free nursing. For some reason using the Ergo for nursing seemed intimidating and complicated. I am really surprised at just how easy it was. Now, I am really looking forward to using it for nursing again. 

I still feel nervous nursing in public and in a way I felt like this was my first serious NIP experience. I had never nursed her while walking around shopping before. I have always been sitting- parks, food courts, yogurt shop, even a courthouse (but still sitting!) I think this particular experience especially felt like nursing in public, because I frequent this grocery store a lot and almost always see someone I know. Nursing there felt a lot less anonymous than other places.

Although nursing in public still makes me nervous, I'm proud to be a breastfeeding mom and I hope that by helping to normalize nursing, more moms will choose to breastfeed and feel comfortable nursing their babies (or older nurslings!) wherever they happen to be.

Lilly's First Easter

Easter got off to a rough start when I woke-up still exhausted from nursing Lilly pretty much non-stop all night long, after I went to bed a little bit later than I should have. My husband took Lilly to the store with him, so I could get some more sleep. He has taken-up baby wearing. He wore her in our Ergo and I hear they had a great time looking around at a home improvement store.

When they got back, we gave Lilly her Easter basket. She liked her new toys! I'm trying to buy safer, less toxic products, so the Easter bunny left her a Klean Kanteen sippy cup to match her mommy's, some Haba first blocks, stacking cups from Green Toys that I read about at SAF Baby, and a children's book by Neil Gaman (one of my husband's favorite authors).

For a onesie like Lilly's check out this tutorial

While nursing Lilly down for her morning nap, I watched my sister open a Kinder egg the size of my hand (thanks Skype for Android!) with a snap bracelet inside. Can you believe those lucky Europeans get to have chocolate eggs with prizes inside? They are illegal in the US. The vacuum and my barking dog ended Lilly's morning nap super early and I was worried we'd have a cranky baby when our guests arrived. I was planning on using Lilly's nap time to get ready, because my husband was picking up the backyard. A babywearing daddy came to the rescue and wore Lilly on his back while I got ready. She fell back asleep while he watered the grass, so she got her morning nap after all!

My husband's family and two of my long time best friends came over for a vegetarian bar-be-que. I invited everyone to Easter specifically so both extended family's could see Lilly on Easter, but both of my parents wound up being sick. My mom was very disappointed! (My dad is having surgery soon and I didn't expect him to feel up to coming.) However, my best friends are an important part of my family and I'm so glad that I at least got to spend Easter with them!

We had delicious black bean burgers (in case you were wondering what vegetarians bar-be-que) as well as other amazing foods.My friend and I hid over 40 eggs for my nieces to find.I think the day turned out great, but the highlight for me was nursing Lilly in my ring sling while we ate. She nursed down for a nap and slept for a good long while with everyone talking and eating. A month ago she was way too distracted to nurse around people, let alone nap that way! So, I didn't have to miss out on eating with everyone, because of course she decided it was time for her to eat at the same exact time that our food was done!

In addition to Lilly's onesie, tutu, and some other little crafts, I made my utensils look like carrots and the cups into chickens!

My friend made everyone an Easter smore kit! Except for me. I don't eat peeps, because they aren't vegetarian, but she brought me some Reese's eggs instead!

Just One More Reason to Meet Your Baby's Needs

It seems like I'm constantly reading about more and more studies that suggest that responding to a baby's needs yield positive results in later years. This new study found that newborns fed on demand were smarter as children. On average, these babies scored 5 points higher on IQ tests when they were 8!

What I like is that this study divided the parents into three groups- those that set out to feed on demand and did, those that set out to feed on a schedule and did, and those that set to feed on a schedule and failed. No one failed at feeding on demand. I imagine this is because, although it is exhausting to feed a newborn around the clock, it is pretty simple. Your baby is hungry, you feed him or her. 

Honestly, I am not even sure that I understand the concept of a newborn on a schedule. How do you feed a baby that isn't hungry? You certainly can't nurse a baby that isn't hungry. This leads me to believe that a baby eating on a schedule must not be eating when he or she feels hungry, so that he or she will be hungry at the right time. Why wouldn't you feed a hungry baby? I can't imagine telling hungry newborn Lilly that it wasn't time to eat yet. I imagine this is why people do fail at feeding a baby on a schedule. Now, I bet they are glad they did.

Here is my fed on demand baby!

Another neat thing, is that results didn't depend on if the babies were breastfed or bottle fed. I know there are women who wanted to breastfeed and either couldn't or felt like they couldn't for whatever reason and struggle with guilt about the fact that they aren't or didn't breastfeed. But all parents can respond to their babies needs and feed them when they are hungry, regardless of feeding method, so it is great to read about something good that ALL parents can do for their hungry babies. It also brings positive attention to on demand bottle feeding, because when I did all my preparing-for-a-baby-reading while pregnant, I mostly read about feeding on demand and how beneficial that was for establishing breastfeeding.

I eat when I am hungry, most of the time. So, I feed Lilly when she is hungry. Yes, I still nurse on demand.

6 Months of Exclusively Breastfeeding!

My baby girl is six months old today. This marks six months of exclusively breastfeeding. Worldwide less than 40% of babies are exclusively breastfed for six months and in the US that number is less than 15%. I remember when Lilly was only three weeks old and I was struggling with an oversupply. She would scream at me when I tried to feed her, because she was drowning in milk due to a very forceful letdown. I turned to the internet for help and I was assured that if I just stuck with it by 12 or 13 weeks my supply would even out and things would be okay. Over and over again women wrote that I would be glad I did. But 12 weeks was over 9 weeks away and I just didn't know if we could make it. We did. Those faceless women on the internet were right- I'm so glad that I stuck with it. I am so proud. Proud of me. Proud of Lilly.

When we struggled with almost every feeding, I wondered if I was torturing my baby by not just giving her a bottle. However, now Lilly loves nursing. Sometimes, she nurses almost all night long. I feel like breastfeeding is magical, like I can solve all of Lilly's problems with a little bit of nursing.

Although I am so proud that we made it to six months of exclusively breastfeeding and so excited that today is my baby girl's half birthday, I am also feeling a little bit sad. My goal is to let Lilly self-wean, whenever that might be, but today marks the end of exclusively breastfeeding. Although I would gladly delay solids a little bit longer, my husband really wants to let Lilly try solid foods. I agreed that tonight she can try avocado at dinner. I'm excited to see if she loves avocado as much as her mommy and curious to see if she will figure out what to do with it once it is in her mouth. She puts everything in her mouth, so I'm sure she will put the mushy avocado piece in her mouth. After that, I'm not sure what will happen!